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The following are diary entries from the old Breton Diary for 2006.

Saturday - 17th December - 2006 - Planning the Eating!

I have been planning my Christmas menus (with the help of the annual catalogues that the local supermarkets distribute). So here goes....

Christmas Eve: Breakfast will be Boudin Noir with mushrooms, Poitrine Fume and warm French Bread. I shall just have cheese and wine for lunch because, for tea, I am having Fruits be Mer. I have decided on a bottle of Gros-Plant de Nantais Sur Lie. This is relatively inexpensive but perfectly complements what I shall be eating.

Christmas Day: I shall eat at about 2pm. I shall start (as is only proper) with a dozen oysters. Then, for the last time in my life (on cruelty grounds), I shall have Fois Gras. I love Fois Gras but the enjoyment is tempered with the realisation of how it is made.

I shall then move onto a cassoulet of Escargots; cooked in a small terrine with shallots, mushrooms, garlic butter and parsley. This will be tooped of with breadcrumbs onto which I shall and some finely chopped olives. For the main course, I am having Duck's Breast - served with roast potatoes, courgettes and chestnuts.

I'm not sure if I'll have any space left after that but, in case I do, I am planning a fruit cake (ready made) with some warm spiced cream. After that, I plan on a glass of Framboise (on medical grounds), a nap in the easy chair and, of course, indigestion!

Every week, any loose change that I have in my pocket on a Sunday, gets put into a tin (my Christmas tin). I shall have to change this money up at the Post Office before I go shopping. I think that there is about 130 euros - I'll need every penny of it - Christmas is expensive in France.

Monday - 11th December - 2006 - Bessie Again!

It poured down after work today. The ditches filled up and overflowed onto the road. Bessie spluttered a few times but didn't stop. On route to the bar, I passed a school bus that had. I grinned. Just outside the bar, Bessie died.

Luckily, I got a lift home (it really was raining very hard) - we'll see if Bessie wants to start tomorrow when, hopefully, it'll be dry.

Sunday - 10th December - 2006 - Christmas Decorations!

The Christmas tree went up today. I know that last year I said "Never Again!", but it really wouldn't be Christmas without a tree, would it?

The main problem seems to be the tree's in-ability to stay upright (a bit like me after a few sherrys). I often wake up in the middle of the night to the sound of a crash. My immediate thought is that Billy the Burglar is paying me a visit and has tripped over the cats.

I rush into the kitchen (not a pretty site, straight from bed) to find the Christmas Tree on the floor with two bemused cats sat next to it (one with tinsel in his mouth - you know who I'm taking about, Sammy boy, don't you?)

Cindy will then try to explain... "It just jumped up all on its own and then fell over on the floor. We didn't touch it at all. It woke me and Sammy up, it did!"

Billy the Burglar, come and visit please - just take my naughty cats away, when you do! I just know that for the next 9 months, I'll be finding tinsel and baubles hidden all over the house. It's almost worth all the pain though, to see both of the cats snuggled up together in front of the tree, just gazing at the lights flickering on and off (and obviously planning their next ascent!)

Saturday - 2nd December - 2006 - Bessie Lives!

I finally got Bessie going again today. I took longer as it should have done as I managed to flatten the battery with all that faffing around. Still, she is back home now and recovering from her little spree of parking in all the fields in Brittany!

Cindy is getting all excited as she has received a mail from a cat she met on MySpace (I didn't know Cindy was on MySpace). Isabel (Cindy's friend) is American and has a pretty owner. I am now going to have to get another PC as sharing this one with an all too clever cat, isn't really working.

However, Cindy is having her post-breakfast nap right now (the one that comes before the pre-lunch nap) and so I am taking the opportunity to update this site. I have archived October's diary post fragments from the page (they are available here) and have added a [B]Recent Bookmarks[/B] section (at the bottom of the home page). Isabel's owner has suggested a great way of cooking chicken. It involves sticking a can of beer up the chicken's bum (so that the chicken steams in beer). Oh, dear. I'll have to order another free-range (I don't eat chicken that don't live a natural life) just so I can try it out.

I'm in a bit of an Autumnal mood at the moment (all that walking to work in the rain - and the worry about Bessie) and have been reading Stevie Smith. My favourite is this one...

Stevie Smith - Not Waving But Drowning

Nobody heard him, the dead man,
But still he lay moaning:
I was much further out than you thought
And not waving but drowning.

Poor chap, he always loved larking
And now he's dead
It must have been too cold for him his heart gave way,
They said.

Oh, no no no, it was too cold always
(Still the dead one lay moaning)
I was much too far out all my life
And not waving but drowning.

I do have to say that if one poem sums up the opposite of my philosophy - it is that one. I'm not drowing - John Irving got it wrong; Sorrow doesn't float, happiness floats. And me, I'm just waving!

Friday - 1st December - 2006 - Raiding the Grumpy Box!

I raided the grumpy box last night. I wasn't particularly grumpy but it seemed the right thing to do.

What's a Grumpy Box ? Well, mine is a biscuit tin that I stock up the start of every month (payday). It contains a packet of cigarettes, a half bottle of scotch, a few Mars bars, some other sweeties - for some reason, this month, my box also cotained a DVD. If I ever get close to being grumpy, I open the box and have a party. Just knowing that I have the box stocked up, stops me from becoming grumpy. It's strange but I find that I am raiding the box less and less.

So, armed with a good glass of scotch and some Mars bars, I put the heating on in the bedroom, lay down on my bed with the cats and watched Oxygen. I suppose it stopped me worrying about Bessie.

Bessie is still parked in a field half way between my house and work. Walking past her (on the way into work, this morning), I did manage to give her a good kick - does anyone remember that Fawlty Towers episode where Basil attacks his car? I didn't get the opportunity on the way home as a young lad on a scooter stopped to give me a lift - no helmet and flat out at 30 miles an hour - what a thrill! It made my day!

Thursday - 30th November - 2006 - A Serious Case of Optimism (maybe fatal, maybe not)!

I was stupidly optimistic this morning. I went out and tried to start Bessie at 6am. She started first time. Thus, at 8am, I got in and drove to work. Or, at least, I drove 1km towards work until Bessie decided to go back to bed. With the help of a passer by, I pushed Bessie into a field (we have now parked in most of the fields round here) and the passer by drove me into work. I got there nice and warm (and boy, was it cold this morning) determined to start looking for another pushbike (the original Bessie died after 20,000km in 2 years - can't really complain). The walk home was nice (and cold) and when I got to where I had left Bessie, once again she started first time. I started smiling and she ground to a halt!

We got our payslips at work today. I love payday even though my wages take a couple of days to clear. I will spend that time thinking about all the things I am going to buy. Then I will come to my senses and decide that I have everything that I need (apart from a reliable car).

I recently started a children's book with the words... "Once there was a man who lived in a small cottage on the edge of the woods. And, he was a happy man because he had everything that he wanted and could afford to fulfill all of his needs."

I gave up the book as the Hemingway influence was too great (think Old Man and the Sea) but also because it risked becoming too autobiographical.

I have just finished reading "Le Petit Prince" and one of the phrases that I have marked is as follows (please forgive the horrible translation)....

The Little Prince meets a shopkeeper on his travels.

"Hello", the Little Prince says.
"Hello", says the shopkeeper.
He was a shopkeeper who sold pills that stopped people feeling thirsty. One only had to swallow one of these pills each week and one wouldn't have any more thirst.
"Why do you sell those?" The Little Prince asked.
"It's a great time saver", the shopkeeper replied. "The experts have worked it out and, by using these pills, one saves 53 minutes each week."
"And what can you do with these extra 53 minutes ?" The Little Prince asked.
"You can do anything you like." The shopkeeper replied.

"If I had an extra 53 minutes each week", the Little Prince said. "I'd go straight to the nearest fountain....."

Wednesday - 29th November - 2006 - A Serious Case of Childishness (maybe fatal, maybe not)!

I'm still walking to work - it's only 6km and so far, it's been dry every day. Realistically, I only have to walk as as far as Super U as, anyone on the road between there and the abattoir will be one of my colleagues and will thus stop to give me a life. Today it was the lovely Rachel!

After work, I walked to where Bessie had decided to stop. My friends at work have been full of advice as to what I should do. I've tried most of them, nothing's worked. Today, the first thing was to check the state of the battery -that affects whether whoever was going to come and gives me a hand (and I have lots of offers) brings a set of battery leads or not. I tried starting the car and, bugger me, didn't she start first time! I left her running for five mintues and then, not believing my luck, drove her home. Now, why couldn't she have done that last Friday? I would have avaioded all those long walks into work and back (but, then again, I would have missed out on a lift from the lovely Rachel).

Not being able to trust her, I'll probably walk in tomorrow and Friday - Bessie's bound to let me down again! At the weekend, she'll get a good seeing to and I'll have to make that big decision as to whether it is time to move her to that big carpark in the sky!

At work, I was in a Christmasy mood. I managed to confuse my two new African colleagues by singing Christmas Carols whilst putting my boxes on pallets. My teamleader asked me why I was so happy. "I wrote a letter to Father Christams, last night", I explained.

"What did you ask for?" She asked.

"The same as every year." I replied. "Kylie Minougue, Emanuael Beart and Vanessa Paradis. Preferably not all at the same time."

She looked at me in a strange way and then wandered off. Although she didn't say anything, I could sense her thinking, "Les Anglais, ils sont Bizzares!"

Monday - 27th November - 2006 - Does it really matter?

As Bessie is still ill, I am walking to work and back - or trying to, at least. Picking up hitch-hikers (even when they're not hitch-hiking) seems to be the national pastime over here - and the weird thing is, everyone seems to know who I am and where I live! I am sitting here, in my study, trying to reply to all the mails, drinking a glass of Cotes be Beaune and listening to the Goldberg Variations (thanks Father) and pondering a bit about my life here. Five years ago, a car breaking down would have got me very stressed - now all I think is "Does it really matter?" No, not really - I'll either get another one or go back to the pushbike (also called Bessie) - As they say, worse things happen at sea!

Saturday - 25th November - 2006 - A Serious Illness of a Close Friend (maybe fatal, maybe not)!

A very close friend of mine became seriously ill last night - it might be fatal (I do so hope not). I've known her since January and since then we have been together almost every day. Sometimes she has let me down and has often been pig-headed and stubborn-minded. But she's a friend, you know, what can you do?

I'm not sure how serious her illness is. Last night I was convinced that she was at death's door but, I have just been to visit her and I think that perhaps a little transplant might sort her out - let's hope that's the case.

Yes, Bessie (my horrible car) ground to a halt last night. We were going the long way home, you know - the way that goes past the bar. She waited until it started raining and we were the furthest point from home (or the bar) and then just stopped. Now, Bessie is not the lightest car in the world and, try as I did, I couldn't push her into a field.

Luckily, someone came along in his van and helped me. He then went 3km out of his way to drive me home - only in France! All during the drive he regailed me with the problems he used to have with his Renault Express. He kept pointing out the places where he had broken down. We both agreed that old cars are more trouble than they're worth.

This afternoon I wandered over to where I had left Bessie - she was still there, no miraculous recovery then! I checked everything I could think of checking and then looked at the fuel gauge. Like many things on Bessie, the fuel gauge doesn't actually work - I keep track of how much fuel I've got left by noting how many kilometres I've done.

Two weeks ago, she was almost empty so I put in 15 litres - enough to last me until the end of the month. Or, at least, I think I did - it might just have been 10 litres (there was a long queue at the petrol station and I was in a hurry). Bessie does 22km to every litre of diesel - her trip meter (that still works!) reads 230km! Perhaps that's it. Perhaps she isn't as sick as she's making out to be. Perhaps it's all a put on - who knows? I'm hoping that when I go back tomorrow with a jerry-can of diesel, she might come back to life. Here's hoping!

Not only have I got the two naughtiest cats in Brittany, I've also got the naughtiest car (or perhaps she has the stupidest owner?)

Saturday - 25th November - 2006 - 4 Years Today!

It was four years ago, today, that I drove off the ferry to start my new life in France. A lot has happened since then and I have spent some time, recently, thinking about whether I made the right choice. At some point, over the weekend, I shall be writing up the notes I have made and putting them up here. The question that I shall ask myself will be Has it been a success? Now, that will be a hard question to answer as, five years ago, I was an IT Service Manager in the city, trying to help my client sort out the mess that resulted from September 11th. Now I put boxes on pallets in an abattoir.

The questions that I shall be asking myself will be as follows...
Have I written a novel (the reason for coming to France in the first place)? - Yes!
Am I happy now (and content and comfortable with myself, who I am) - Yes!
Do I have a future within my current work environment - Yes (I think).
If I find myself in five years time, still putting boxes onto pallets in an abattoir - will I still be happy? - Yes (I hope).

I think that some of the reasoning for my life change may be interesting to anyone who is thinking about doing the same thing themselves. But, that aside, the main reason that I shall be doing some life analysis is for myself - to ensure that I'm still on track.

Friday - 24th November - 2006 - Freezer Clearance!

I've been trying to clear out the freezer so that I can give it a good clean out. I am down to 5 packets sliced pork belly. I'll be looking at the recipe books (particually Charcuterie and French Pork Cookery by Jane Grigson that Father bought over last week) and then cooking the lot in one go (for freezing)

I shall then be filling the freezer with whatever is on offer at work. Ooh, I think I've got a pig cutting, chopping and slicing evening coming up!

Friday - 24th November - 2006 - Strange Evening at the Bar!

After work on Moday, I stopped off at my local bar for a well earned beer. Mondays are difficult for us as we have to start out by packing (for freezing) anything that we put into the fridge at the end of the day on the previous Friday. When I say 'fridge', don't think of your kitchen fridge, think instead, of a fridge the size of Basingstoke!

Michelle, the landlady of the bar, said "I have something for you". She disappeared into the kitchen and came back out with a bag containing 2 pigeons, already drawn and plucked. I was effusive in my thanks and she took her time explaining how I could cook them.

Some of the others in the bar also joined in to offer their advice. Within 20 minutes I had a dozen different ways to deal with my 2 pigeons - but that's rural France for you!

I found myself sitting between a Swiss French and a local Farmer (speaking a very rough dialect). I tried very hard to join in the conversation but, although they were both speaking the same language, neither of them was speaking French (at least, not the French I know).

I think that it is important to go to the local bar at least twice a week. Somehow, even if you just sit in the corner on your own, it helps you become more a part of the community. When I got home from the bar (my head flying due to the constant translating between Swiss French, Local French and the French I know), I put the bag containing the pigeons on the kitchen table. "What you got there?" Sammy asked. I explained. "Oh goody", he said. "Flying Prawnies!" That's Sammy for you! Cindy just smirked and said, "I think what Daddy means is that he has two examples of 'Columba Palumbus'."

What did I do to deserve an intelligent cat?

Friday - 24th November - 2006 - Father's Visit!

Father came to visit last week. We ate, the first night, at Le Prieure de Clisson in Josselin - to be recommended. We started with Cassoulet de Escargots and had rabbit for the main course - excellent. If you are looking for a 'foodie' restaurant in Josselin, you have 3 choices... Le Restaurant de le Chateau, at the hotel (locally thought to be the best), The Table de O - very good but, to my mind, the menu at the Prieure de Clisson is, although slightly less adventurous, more appetising.

The next day, Saturday, we did the shopping thing (including way too much cheese - I've just finished off what we bought), went mushrooming and, in the evening, ate Fruits de Mer, chez moi.

Sunday started with a Vide Grenier at Louedac (where I bought a boxed set of Rachmaninov CDs (from, I think, an English couple - although we spoke French) and a wok. The lot for five euros - I'm a happy man!). Afterwards we went to Pontivy and had a wander around. We stopped off first for a stock up at the local Aldi to stock up on bargains and had a coffee afterwards. I'm still, after four years, amazed when I have a coffee in a bar and complete strangers come up to shake my hand. I think that ather was amazed, as well.

In Pontivy, we had a wander and then ate at one of the few restaurants open - Le Martray. This is to be found in the old part of the town on le Rue du Pont. Another excellent meal. The cheapest Sunday menu is 17.50 euros. The Grattin de Fruits de Mer is to be recommended!

After eating, we went to look at the chateau. For 1.40 Euros (yes, that all) we were able to wander round the inside of the chateau, taking our time reading the strange history of the families that have lived there. One of the sons of an early Duke, for example, was married off at the age of three in order to prevent a war. Another Duke was know as the "Half idiot evacuee of Cornouille" - nice nickname, that! That's almost one I could claim for myself!

There is no posh furniture there (or masterpieces on the wall) but that works to the visitor's advantage - you can let your imagination take over. A great place to go with kids. Watch out for the basement room, though - the stairs are very steep and about 2 miles long!

After Pontivy, we returned home and ate the mushrooms that we had picked the previous day.

Monday, we ate at l'Hotel Pelican - a great meal and very cheap. Tuesday, more fruits de Mer, chez moi and, on Wednesday, Father went home. He did leave behind some goodies....

Charcuterie by Jane Grigson
Chinese five spice (about 5 years supply)
Colemans Mustard Power (4 tins)
2 copies of the Sunday Times
A warning sign (for my front door) - Chats Merchants!

That's Father for you.....

Sammy & Cindy have something to say about Father's visit...

Cindy - "A strange man came to visit us. All his fur had fallen off the top of his head and had ended up down on his chin."
"Daddy said that it was his Daddy but I didn't like him and didn't let him stroke me. Sammy let the strange man stroke him. He thought that the strange man was Father Christmas. Sammy's very silly - he still believes in Father Christmas!"

Sammy - "Father Christmas came to visit!"

Monday - 30th October - 2006 - A weekend of tidying - alone!

I got a mail from Briony on Thursday to let me know that she was ill and wouldn't be coming over for the wekend, after all. So, weekend to myself, I decided to tidy my study. A big mistake. How come the smallest room in the house is the messiest? Well, now it's tidy - I can't find anything - but, at least it's tidy. Whilst tidying the room, I managed to write a short story which I have uploaded to my writing site.

I have also been planning my mushrooming trips for this week (I am on holidays). However, waking up this morning to a gentle drizzle and a grey, heavy sky, I have made the sensible decision to stay in the warm and do some more tidying.

If it is not too wet, I shall be doing my Chesnut collecting, this afternoon - I have been reading lots about what I need to do with any chesnuts I collect - I forsee an evening in the kitchen.

The heating is going on today! This is a major thing for us, round here. I put it off for as long as possible but have decided that tonight, the cats and I are going to have a proper Autumn evening with mulled wine and hot chestnuts for me and a nice warm radiator for the cats to cuddle up in front of. All I need to do is find a suitably winterish book to read.

As sister and partner aren't coming over, I'll need to forward my shopping list to Father, who is coming over next week. I'm not really sure what I should put on the list. There's really nothing I can't live without - I shall have to think of something, though, or else Father will be upset!

Tuesday - 24th October - 2006 - A day of no major suprises (but still a stupid cat)!

Today, wonderfully, almost nothing went wrong at work - We even finished early (at 15:45).

I am currently training another guy up to do my job. He works hard and well but is so, so timid. He seems so scared to make mistakes. I feel like telling him "It's just a job" but I know he wouldn't understand. He's one of the new guys we've just taken on and I think he feels a bit overwhelmed by the speed of it all.

The only problem that we did have was when one product got packed without having a special label put inside the box. There's no way for us to tell whats inside the boxes we are putting on the pallets as they are sealed. Everyone was a bit grumpy for a few minutes as it meant the whole order had to be re-done.

Gerald, who is manning the forklift this week, was very put out, especially when I explained to him "it's all your fault!". He stomped off to collect one of the pallets that had to be repacked. "What do ***** mean, it's my fault?" He grumbled, when he returned. "I haven't got ****** X-ray eyes!". Then he looked at me and saw the smile on my face - he started laughing. You'd think that by now he'd know better than to believe anything I say!

Sammy is proud that he saw off the intruder, last night. I have left the kitchen door open tonight so that there are no more reflections. He's sat in the doorway, keeping guard. It might be cold for me but if it keeps His Majesty happy, then I suppose I'll have to suffer!

Roast Pork with a difference (Provencal style) for tea, tonight. I would write something about how I do it but, I'm too hungry so you'll just have to wait for another day.

Monday - 23rd October - 2006 - Cold and windy (and a stupid cat)!

A day of disasters but, none of them really mattered. A series of mechanical failures at work meant that we didn't finish until a quarter to six. I got home intending on doing my Autumn cleaning in the garden only to find that, after my nap (must be getting old!), a wet and windy storm had blown up - oh well, it can wait.

I then connected to Radio Four (via the internet) only to find that they had mechanical (or other) problems themselves. It's kind of worrying not being able to tune into Radio 4 - almost as if Britain has sunk into the North Sea, or otherwise, closed down. I couldn't check the news to see if this had happened because.... Radio 4 was offline!

Luckily, the BBC got their problems sorted out in time for The Archers - now that was handy, wasn't it?

So, here I am, listening to the radio (and the storm, outside) whilst waiting for my Pork, Mushroom and Potato Poele to cook - if I'm feeling brave, later on, I may try to describe the recipe and post it later in the week. On the other hand, I may just feel to fat to do that!

Sammy, the big, brave (and, slightly stupid) cat is having his own problems. He doesn't like storms and is sitting in the kitchen, guarding the house. Every now and again, he goes up to the door (double French Windows) to check that all is alright. Every time he does this, another (almost identical) cat peers in through the door. Sam goes ballistic and insists on being let out to chase off the intruder!

I let him out and rushes out to see off the intruder, only to find that the other black cat has mysteriously disappeared! He then comes back in, all proud of himself for being so brave. I close the door and, five minutes later, it all starts over again.

I've tried to explain to the beast that it's his reflection, and nothing else, but he just doesn't understand

Cindy, his clever sister is lying on my bed, reading Flaubert (Madame Bovary, once again). She explained that she got all the good looks and brains in the family - Sammy got Tummy for Two!

Thursday - 19th October - 2006 - Another Cold!

Having just recovered from one cold, I seem to be coming down with another (and during the mushrooming season as well!). Quelle chance! Work is kind of interesting in that we have taken on a lot of new supermarket orders and are being swamped, as a result. I have moved from my place on Lines 1 & 2 and am now working on Line 3, in order to help out. This line just looks after small supermarket orders. At the moment it is very interesting; I'm sure that, soon, it will get boring but, there is a lot for me to learn. I get to interact with a lot of people that I wouldn't normally have to - I like this a lot, I'm not so sure that they do, though!

I have been collecting lots of chesnuts. I intend to write an article about what I'm going to do with them but it will have to wait until Denis comes back to work. He is my colleague (he normally manages lines 3 and 4 - he's going to be so suprised about me taking over Line 3), friend and neighbour. He tries to teach me French. Not the language, you understand, but how to be French - and that is so much more important! He did mention (although I've forgotten the details), what he does with his chesnuts - I do remember that he cooks them and then freezes the results, to be eaten as vegetables with any roast meat his wife cooks.

Other than that, life just goes on - quiet and simple, the way I like it. Briony and Rick (sister and her better half) are coming over next week; Father is coming over the week after that. I hope it doesn't rain too much, I hope we don't eat too much, I hope that we don't have too much of a great time. However, I'm sure that it will, we will and we will!

Thursday - 12th October - 2006 - Working Too Hard!

We've just had an order for 10 tonnes of Plat Cotes. These have to be wrapped and, as that takes time, the order is taking a long time to process. I'm doing extra hours to help out. I'm not complaining; it's good to have work - I'd be more worried (not that I get worried, any more) if things were too quiet.

A good day today, though. I met, for the first time, someone who I've only corrosponded with on the internet. He (and his son) also work at the abattoir - they've only just recently started. They seem to be doing OK!

I love this time of the year - not just the mushrooming (see my other site) but, also, the food. It's Pot au Feu season. I have written a recipe which, if you're interested, is to be found on the kitchen page.

I have been working very hard to make some changes to this site (and the others) to ensure that they are all easier to update (perhaps then I'll be able to update them more frequently) - expect to see some changes!

P.S. How many walnuts can you eat in a day? I asked Sammy - he said, "A Lot plus one, A Lot plus two....."!

P.P.S. What great news for the Booker and the Nobel prizes - there must be some book lovers on both commitees!

Wednesday - 27th September - 2006 - Counting Problems!

After an easy day at work - both lines running at 300 cartons an hour and someone helping me all day - I came home to face the garden. Sam offered to help me, Cindy decided to watch. I raked up the walnuts that had fallen during the storm (my Landlady and neighbours had already been round to help themselves) and Sammy did the counting. For a better idea, click on the photo (don't forget to use your Back button to return). Sammy admitted to having a problem after an hour or so, "Daddy, what number comes after a million billion?" he asked me.

I replied "A lot", and as I carried on de-shelling the nuts I heard him start over "A Lot and One, A Lot and Two....".

I decided it was time to stop for the night. The tree is still laden with nuts, the branch that fell off has got maybe a hundred nuts on it - I'm going to be dreaming of walnuts tonight!

Must make note of what to do with walnuts - dried and gound, perhaps. I have a number of books that talk about old-fashioned French cookery and preserving - I'll take a look and see what they used to do. On a similar tack, I am eating 4 pears a day, giving about the same away to the girls at work and the b***ers are growing faster than I can pick them. Madam brought round some peaches and a big bag of haricots whilst I was picking up the walnuts and then told me off for not helping myself to the lettuce - I'm trying but there's yards of the stuff. How many lettuces can you eat each day!

Oh, by the way - in terms of Walnuts; I've shelled about 10%!

Saturday - 23rd September - 2006 - Still Tired, Still Happy!

Once again, I've been naughty and not updated the site for a while. My excuse is that I've been very busy getting my other two sites up and running. Work, has also been very busy and I am doing a fair bit of overtime (up to the legal maximum of 43 hours)... The extra hours aren't so bad, it's the extra work during those hours (yesterday both my productions lines hit 1,000 cartons an hour - each carton is 10kg - thus, 20 tonnes an hour - about my maximum!).

So, I overslept this morning and was late into the forest! That doesn't do, not if one wants to find the best mushrooms. For more details, take a look at...http://www.mushroomdiary.com

Got an email from my sister last night "Get off the internet!", it said. I did and phoned her (slightly expecting bad news - sometimes, it's hard to live in a different country to your aging family. I'm talking about my brothers and sisters here - parents seem to be getting younger by the day. Or, am I just catching them up?).

It wasn't bad news and we agreed a code for the day (that will arrive) when it is. That done, no point in worrying about it anymore.

Aforementioned sister is coming over at the end of October so I suppose I'll have to get my hair cut! Father (lost somewhere in Turkey, at the moment) is also coming over during October but, probably wouldn't notice hair cut or not.

I seem to have a weekend of work lined up for me - a notepad full of ideas and things to write - it spends all week in my pocket at work; I jot things down as they arrive. I also stumbled upon a story in the forest this morning - very short but I think it should be nice - if it appears, it'll appear on the mushroom site.

Finally, of course, there is the garden. After hurricane George (is that a political presage of things to come - for those of you unlucky enough to be back in the UK?), I have plant pots to repair/chuck away and a fair bit of tidying to do. The overloaded Walnut tree lost a clump of branches and they will need to be cleared up. On top of that, there are pears everywhere - I'll have to think what I'll do with them.

So, on that note, I need to get my wellies on (again) and get down to work!

Wednesday - 23rd August - 2006 - Tired but Happy!

The book is about finished - I'm not going to do any more work on it now. It will be sent off to an Agent in London at the end of October or early November (after 3 years, a few days or weeks, here or there, don't seem to really matter too much.)

With no more writing to do, my mind has been working on some ideas for 2 new websites and I have just ordered a hosting package at 1&1 - France. I followed all the instructions but had troubles getting it working. Finally, after some outstanding IT support from Etienne at 1and1.fr (who even explained the weird bits in English) - I came home from work today (having been playing with unix permissions on the site until 2am this morning - hence tiredness) to find that both the .com addresses I ordered were now visible to the whole world. Magnifique est trop petit un mot!

I have got a lot of work to do (adding content, learning PHP etc.) before the sites go live on September 10th (the arbitary date I set myself) but, as long as it keeps raining a bit every day, I should get there.

Of course, with the rain we're having, there should now be some mushrooms in the forest to distract me away from the work!

Sunday - 30th July - 2006 - Back On-Line!

Obviously, it's been a while since I've updated this page. Reasons/Excuses - It's been very hot here. Already 150 people have died in France as a result of the heatwave (far short of the 15,000 who died in the hot summer of 2003) and I have been finding it hard to sit in a non-air conditioned, windowless study after work.

Also, I have been desperately trying to put the finishing touches to French for Beginners. I have discovered (at this very late stage) that, to work, it needs to have 13 chapters (I call them lessons) rather than the original 9 that I had planned.

A series of IT problems didn't help; although all seems to be running well now.

In the garden, everything is growing well (despite the heat). My Basil plants have gone loopy and I predict a Pesto making session coming up just to use the surplus!

Thursday - 25th May - 2006 - Back Again!

Not many updates recently - I've been busy wordprocessing the book (and have thus, been in a world of my own).

If everything goes to plan, everything should be finished (and printed off) by the end of my Summer holidays in mid July. The bonus is that there is enough left over (cut out) to make the whole process of writing much easier for Love and Eternity - the sequel to French for Beginners.

Thus, I should be sending the manuscript out to agents in August. However, as the entire UK publishing world decamps from Islington (where they all live, really!) to their holiday homes in Provence (or Tuscany) for the month of August and, as the Frankfurt International Book Fair takes all their attention (quite rightly) during September and October, I don't expect anything to happen until nearer Christmas - here's hoping.

At home, I have planted my tomatoes and Basil - there may be a photo of my little garden on the photo page.

May is a confusing month for me - lots of Bank Holidays. Today is one of them, although I'm not really sure what we are celebrating.

Monday - 17th April - 2006 - It's Still Warm and Sunny!

As digital camera has arrived, I am prancing around taking photos of anything and everything. Cats are getting a bit narked, if you must know. I've just heard Sammy ask Cindy "Who does he think he is - David Bailey?".

Saturday - 1st April - 2006 - It's Warm and Sunny!

It's warm & sunny today because all week the weather forcasters have been promising rain (winter storms, in fact, for Finistere - because of the highest tides of the year). I have been into the forest - saw no deer and only two mushrooms - still, a nice walk. All week have been putting my CDs onto the computer - quite an interesting exercise - I kept asking myself.. "Surely some mistake, how did I come to own a Spice Girls CD?".

If the Spice Girls weren't bad enough, I found a Boney M Greatest Hits CD (I thought they only had two hits and they certainly weren't that great) - now where did that come from? And worse, a Gary Glitter CD - that went straight in the bin. I washed my hands thoroughly, afterwards!.

Saturday - 25th March - 2006 - It's Raining!

It's raining today because all week the weather has been good and thus, I had made plans to spend both Saturday and Sunday in the forest (trying to photo some of the newly born deer). Thus, am stuck indoors. Luckily, the postman has just been - with a present - The Encyclopedia of Fungi. Thank you Briony!

I am hoping that the weather is better tomorrow so that, armed with the new reference, I can go searching for some Pleurotus Ostreatus (Oyster mushrooms to you). There were some to the east of the forest about this time last year. And, who knows, I might even see a baby deer!

Sunday - 5th March - 2006 - Oh, am I tired?

After an exciting and enjoyable three days in England, I got home very late last night. Actually, very early this morning. Mr Muppet here managed to take the wrong turn off the Rennes Periphique - I can't understand how, it's nearly impossible to do - and didn't realise until he was close to the outskirts of Marseilles (Perhaps I exaggerate, slightly).

Cats were very unhappy that I had deserted them again. They were unhappy, that is, until I shared out their presents from 'The Old Country'. I would be better off with children - they would be less trouble, I'm sure.

Enjoyed seeing everyone (and meeting Rick). Paul - I hope you're feeling better soon!

Wednesday - 1st March - 2006 - Happy Birthday, Jake!

Am coming back to England tomorrow (for two days only) for Jake's 18th birthday (and to visit the bank to try and sort out some way of transfering money that doesn't involve a 3 week wait, numerous letters and vast amounts of stress. I don't do stress, anymore).

Obviously, Jake has had a very hard life (no, I'm not talking about his mother here). He was, at an early age, inflicted with The Worst Godfather in the World.

Now that he's 18, it is probably too late to do anything to change things and, if he has grown up to be a decent person (I am assured that he has), it is in spite of me rather than down to anything that I have done.

So, I'll take the opportunity here to wish Jake a happy birthday (how come you're eighteen, mate? It seems like only a few years ago that you were born - where's the time gone?).

It's much too late, I know. But, if (or rather, when) 'French for Beginners' is published, it will be dedicated as follows..

For Jake and Sofia-Josephine - from the worst godfather in the world.

Sofia is another godchild - also unlucky in that she was also inflicted (by her parents, who should have known better) with the worst godfather in the world.

Tuesday - 28th February - 2006 - Glenn.

I decided to do the decent thing and send some emails out to various people whose sites I have linked to. I was pleasantly suprised to receive an almost immediate email from Glenn Hamilton with an update on his life (the last time I saw him was at his leaving do in early 2002). For those of you who know Glenn (and have kept in touch), you'll know what he's up to. For those of you who know him (but have fallen out of touch) - he's doing well, has a girlie called Isabel (who's good at fishing - and probably too good for him!). For those of you who don't know Glenn - I used to work with him, used to envy him (and still do) - I urge you to check out his website (he has promised to update it soon) - Walks, Travels & Flyfishing

Quote of the day (from Glenn)... Hi Keith, Good to hear from you and I'm glad to see you are living now. I rarely saw a man so haunted at work.

Well, Glenn's right - I am living now and (as I replied to him) am 'Haunted no more'.

Tuesday - 6th February - 2006 - Strike! - We're going on strike.

After having a week off work (in order to try to finish putting 'French for Beginners' onto the computer - no hope there, I'm afraid!) I came back to work to find that we were going on strike.

The new Director General of EuroPig has decided to change our summer holiday arrangements in order to save money. We get the same 5 weeks a year but he wanted us to have a rota so that each if gets the chance to take some time off in August. For the French, it is an in-alienable right to have 3 weeks off, each year, in August. At the moment, this means bringing in lots of temps (which costs money). What the DG proposed was that we take two periods of summer holiday (one of two weeks and one single week) and change those weeks each year. Whilst this would have worked very well for me, it was a no go idea for my colleagues (most of whom have children - lucky people) and so we went on strike.

At 10:30 am we laid down our tools (or the bits of dead pig we were dealing with) and marched out into the carpark. There, we smoked cigarettes, talked and relaxed. Finally, the DG came out to talk to us. We shouted at him and he went back inside. A few hours later, he came out again and proposed a meeting. We all went inside, he talked, we shouted and finally, another meeting was proposed.

Eventually, it turned out that we compromised and we are now going to have one three week period each summer but that period will be on a rota (so that it changes each year). Works OK for me as I like the first three weeks of June (which no-one else likes) and so if I get three weeks in August, I can swap with someone else.

"My first strike", I said to Denis, afterwards.

"What did you think", he asked.

"I liked the shouting", I said.

Sunday - 29th January - 2006 - A Walk in the Forest

Went for another walk in the forest today. I took my mushrooming basket but there was nothing about. Didn't even see any deer. I can wait. In a few months, not only will there be some Pleurotes (Oyster mushrooms) but also lots of baby deer. I love deer. Still, a good walk. It's funny that no matter how many little worries you have on your mind (and these days, what worries I have are only small ones), after a good walk in the forest, they all seem to resolve themselves and disappear.

Sunday - 22nd January - 2006 - Sanglier

Having heard them in the forest many times, today I finally came face to face (or face to snout) with a 'Sanglier' (wild boar to you - and was it wild, not half!). It was a lot bigger than I expected, and a lot faster too. There was a party of hunters in the forest (presumably hunting the poor beast) and I almost went up to them to say - "it went that way". But in the end I decided not too - it (the Sanglier) belonged in the forest. In some strange way, we didn't.

For anyone who wants to find out more about these very frightening beasts (without having to change underpants afterwards), try.... Lost in France - Sanglier Page

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