Old Book Reviews
Comments from the author:
A girl at work said to me recently "You like books, don't you?" A bit pretensiously, I said "You breathe, I read - it's the same thing."
I went on to explain that every book I read is like falling in love. But better. When I am finished with Betty (recently read Betty Blue - Phillipe Djian), she will go on the shelf near to Emma (Bovary), Jenny (Love Story) and so on. All patiently and loyally waiting for me to return.
But sometimes it's even better; sometimes I come across a book that was written for me, just for me and me alone. Madame Bovary, Le Petit Prince and La Peste are ones that come to mind. It's strange they're all French - I think I shall have to think about that, a little bit.
Here I intend to, objectively, comment on anything I've read recently. I am currently reading Le Petit Prince by Antoinne Saint Euxpery (in French) and will have lots of interesting things to say about it, when I've finished.
Worral-Thompson, Antony - Raw - Read Sept 2006
I took a couple of days off work with a cold in early September (difficult working with a cold if your workplace is refrigerated.) I read this book. I didn't learn anything about cookery but did learn a bit about the man. It's a shame really; I used to like Mr. WT when I used to see him on the TV (back in the UK) - had I read this then, I wouldn't have watched.
It's probably my fault; I think that a celebrity chef should, in his autobiography, describe his (or her) life in the meals cooked (even Anthony Bourdain does that!) and the lessons learned. By not doing that, Mr WT becomes a celebrity who just happens to cook.
Charrierre, Henri - Papillon - Read June 2006
I tried reading it in French but, the French he uses is not the French I know. This is the story of a man who just would not give up.
Follett, Ken - Pillars of the Earth - Read June 2006
Ideal holiday reading (so I read it on my hols). About the fourth time I've read it - and just as enjoyable as the first. A tale of a stone mason who gets the chance to build a cathederal. Pack it for the summer holidays - you might learn a bit of history as well.
Graham, Louise - Future Homemakers of America - Read June 2006
Lovely holiday reading!
The story of 4 American women, living on an American air-force base in Norfolk, just after the second world war. They befriend a local woman and the story traces their trials and successes over the next 30 years.
The reader gets a real feeling of the mundane souless lives of the post-war generation of Americans. One for the beach bag!
Hemingway, Ernest - Islands in the Stream - Read June 2006
I read Islands in the Stream once a year. It is definately not the best Hemingway but is my favourite. Ina way it is an apology for his life. The first book describes Tom Hudson, a painter of some fame, living on an island in the gulf stream; content, at last, with his life. A summer visit of Hudson's sons shows him happy, in control of the deamons that had troubled his earlier life (in Paris in the '20s).
The second book, after Hudson's sons have been killed is darker, concentrating on drinking & deceipt. Too autobiographical for me.
The novel finishes with an almost pastiche of To have and to have not. In the end, Hudson dies.
It is the first book that I like. The film of it was made down to a budget, tacky in places and I love it.
Interestingly, one of the books in the sequence was published on it's own as a novella - The Old Man and the Sea.
Hoeg, Peter - Miss Smillas Feeling for Snow - Read June 2006
Strange to be sitting in the garden in my shorts, getting sunburnt whilst reading about snow in Denmark & Greenland. I did struggle to keep up a bit - might have been due to the beer.
A detective story where new characters are introduced at a relentless speed. Somehow I ignored it when it first came out - having read it now, I'm not sure why.
King, Stephen - Misery - Read June 2006
I read this sat in the garden, drinking beer and getting sunburnt. Obviously, I've read it before but it was worth re-reading.
King was addicted to drink and drugs when he wrote this and, knowing this, aids to the feeling of entrapment by a psychotic fan. Poor man but good book.
Parker, Dorothy - The Penguin Collected Dorothy Parker - Read June 2006
Obviously very much of her time but, everything in this collection is good; the short stories, the poems and the reviews. I would not have liked to have got on the wrong side of this woman.
Her reviews are the bitchiest I have ever read. See... This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.
Totally confident - I don't care what is written about me so long as it isn't true. and hopeless with money... Take care of the luxuries and the necessities will take care of themselves.
Steinbeck, John - Grapes of Wrath - Read June 2006
A harrowing tale, beautifully told, of one of America's greatest disasters. There can be few Americans who can feel anything other than shame of America's Year Zero.
The end of the book is, quite simply, the best ending of any book I have ever read. It made me cry.
Hornby, Nick - How to be Good - Read 22/04/2006
Yet another one bought during visit to Briony's in March (the sportsbag she lent me to bring my books home ended up weighing in at 20KG..)
Obviously, I've read it before. It works well on a second reading. The final line is so brave... I can imagine the writer spending hours, days, if not weeks, pondering over that finish. "Is that how I do it?" He must have asked himself. Yes Mate. That's the only way to do it. That's the only way it works.
In a way, this is an upsetting novel (I think that the author intended that) as the reader realises that the writer has 'Oh, my God... Grown Up.'
The reason that this is upsetting is that we have either (A) Grown Up with The Author or (B) Not Grown Up At All.
I'm not sure which is worse.
Baddiel, David - Whatever Loves Means - Read 12/04/2006
Baddiel's first novel, Time for Bed, was very much the Comedian writes first novel, type novel (similar, in many ways, to Ben Elton's novels).
Whatever Love Means is more grown up. It starts with the main character commiting adultery with his best friend's wife for the first time on the day that Princess Diana died. The following story encapsulates that time; the way we thought then; the way we changed our thinking afterwards.
For me, the best thing about the book is that I have discovered that I am not alone - there are other people who dislike the royal family as much as I do. Now, where did I put that Guillotine?
Heller, Zoe - Notes on a Scandal - Read 10/04/2006
Another one bought during visit to Briony's in March. I can't understand how I missed this when it first came out. It's gorgeous! And such a nasty ending. If you've ever been a teacher, you need to read it. If you're thinking about becoming a teacher, you need to read it. In fact, if you've ever had a teacher, you need to read it. Magnifique (and I quote from French for Beginners) est trop petit un mot.
Archer, Jeffrey - Prison Diary - Read 08/04/2006
I browsed this on the boat coming home from England at the start of March. I was saving it for a rainy day. I was going to read it avidly. I just knew that I was going to be disapointed. I just knew that the author wasn't going to be gang-raped in the showers on a daily basis, every day of his sentence.
And that's a shame. That would have been justice. He deserves no less. I would quite happily go to prison as long as I could go to the same one as Jeffrey (he'll be back inside before long, just you watch) and were guaranteed the opportunity to sexually abuse him, on a daily basis. Anally, you understand, with a stuffed porcupine. That would be worth going to prison for.
Sorry, I seem to be having an anti-Archer day today. It must either be a Monday or a Sunday; or any of the other five days in between.
That aside. This is probably the best thing he has ever written (apart, of course from all that fiction he wrote about his University career).
In this book, he manages some compassion without too much I'm Jeffrey, I'm a very clever guy type stuff. The 'Fletch interlude' however is bad. I vomited when I first read it. He deserves to die in slow motion just for that. Yes you do, Jeffrey. Yes you do.
If Fletch (Whatever his real name is) has actually killed himself (as he threatened/promised) - it's Jeffrey who's to blame
That aside, he has probably found his calling - Jeffrey, my mate, I really believe that you should be sent to prison; for life.
Harris, Joanne - Blackberry Wine - Read 06/04/2006
I first read it in England when it came out. A story of a man who, I seem to remember, drinks some old wine, drops out and moves to France to write. Hmm.....
I have now re-read it and all I can say is 'Blackberry Wine tastes delicious!'
My favourite Joanne Harris is Five Quarters of the Orange followed closely by the luscious Chocolat. I remember sitting on the Docklands Light Railway one rainy Thursday evening after a horrible day at work (everyone else in the carriage seemed to be reading their copies of Chocolat as well, it was that kind of book - a bit like Harry Potter) and missing my stop. I got off at Beckton and went to the restaurant - too busy reading to cook. For the first time, the chef got my steak right - this is steak, this is grill, this is plate - i.e. hardly cooked at all. The chef came out to ask if I had liked the steak. I bought him a drink! That is not a normal thing for me to do - it must have been due to the book.
I wasn't so keen on Coastliners but will probably read it again.
I haven't read her cookery book yet but I am saving up my pennies.
Archer, Jeffery - Sons of Fortune - Read 02/04/2006
I've not been feeling very well recently - a sort of uneasy feeling, a headache and random vomiting. I went to see the doctor; he did some tests. The doctor hummed & hahhed, he scratched his head, he put on another pair of gloves and a face mask and stood back a bit further away. Finally, he asked the question that we all dread - "You're not reading Jeffery Archer, by any chance, are you?"
Shamefully, I nodded. The doctor just shook his head and prescribed a couple of litres of Cod's Liver Oil. "You'll need to excrete it out", he said.
This isn't the worst Archer - 'As The Crow Flies' probably gets that prize. But, having said that, it is pretty shit. I should have known better - I should have noticed that each chapter begins with the name of a book of the old testament -
'Discover religion inside, did we - Jeffrey?'
The story (if you can call it that), is that two brothers - identical twins, if you will - get separated at birth and get brought up by different families.
Both boys become politicians (one Republican, the other Democrat). There is an election (just one of many elections, it has to be said, but no boring Kebab stories). Oh, yes, this story will keep you on the edge of your seat right to the end - the Toilet seat in my case! Oh, by the way, the ending is to die for - No, I mean it. You will want to die, believe me.
In my humble, un-biased and totally un-educated opinion - THE BASTARD DESERVES ANOTHER TWENTY YEARS INSIDE FOR THIS ONE!
Swift, Graham - Waterland - Read 24/03/2006
I bought this in Cambridge in January. I put it to one side, lost it and then, a few days ago, found it again. I started reading it after work on Friday (obviously, for the fourth or fifth time). I slept for about one hour on Friday night. Then I awoke to continue reading. At work on Monday, they'll ask me what I did at the weekend. "Ours was the marsh country", I'll say...
Curtis, Richard - Notting Hill - Film Script - Read 23/03/2006
If possible - even better than the film. Contains lots of lines that, inexplicably, didn't make it to the screen. See below....
William Thacker (Hugh Grant) and Anna Scott (Julia Roberts) have just split up.
William's Living Room. Evening.
William is emptying Anna Scott videos into a rubbish bag. Spike, the Welsh lodger, watches in disbelief.
Spike : What's going on?
William : I'm going to throw out these old videos.
Spike : No. You can't bin these. They're classics. I'm not allowing this.
William : Right - let's talk about rent....
Spike : Let me help. We don't want all this shit cluttering up our lives.
I want a sexy cardie. I want a stunt bottom. I want the last brownie (it's a very good brownie, you know). I want to be Richard Curtis..... when I grow up.
Welsh, Irvine - Glue - Read 22/03/2006
I admit to giving up at about page 450 (it's a long book) before taking a peek at the end. Glue is written (like all Welsh's books) in Scottish dialect, and I now find that too much (It's bad enough having to think in French all the time and also having to deal with our regional, rural dialect).
Glue is a better book than Filth (Welsh's last effort). This makes it his fifth best book. I'm probably now doomed to say....
No ma type likesay. Bit top-heavy n that. Still, he's goat his ain stuff an eh's jist gaunny press on - ken?
Haddon, Mark - Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time - Re-read 20/03/2006
One of the strangest books I've read for a long time. I re-read after a visit to Southampton at the start of March; perhaps to see if it contained any references to Chavs - it's a long story. You're better off not asking.
The first chapter - chapter two (each chapter is a prime number. Thus, no chapters four, six, eight, nine etc.). is almost perfect in its clarity. Jealous, you ask? YOU BET!
Chatwin, Bruce - On the Black Hill - Read 14/03/2006
Why is it that this, the only fiction that Chatwin is considered to have written is, actually, a family biography whilst his travelogues and commentaries are almost completely fiction?
Very prettily written (I understand that editors used to line up to commit suicide every time Chatwin finished a book - perhaps I exagerate slightly here), it does (in a way that is almost unique to the author) take you to a different time and place. Who cares about Chatwin's strange, strange personal life (apart, that is, from me)? He has (or rather, had) the writer's true (and only) trick. The ability to suspend disbelief.
Simpson, Joe - Dark Shadows Falling - Read 11/03/2006 - That really should be Re-read for the hundredth time!
Once upon a time I was a very stressed IT person who spent too much money on books and wine. On Good Friday 1999, I went shopping in Illford and came home with (as usual) an armload of books. One of which was this one. I'm not sure why I bought it - it was the first mountaineering book that I ever bought and the only reason that I think that it came home with me was that Waterstones were doing a 'three books for the price of two' promotion and this was the third book, picked up at random.
Whatever the reason, I can still remember sitting in the back garden with a bottle of wine and a pile of books (maybe twenty or thirty of them), trying to work out which one I was going to read first. I picked up Dark Shadows Falling and expected to put it straight in the Read it someday - proably never pile. It was very hot, the Easter of 1999, and it seemed rather strange to find myself, three hours later, sunburnt but entranced by Joe's tales of people dying of exposure, all alone, high up on Everest. To understand the book, you really need to read 'Into Thin Air' by John Krakaeur (and all the other books about the 1996 Everest disaster - there are lots, believe me).
I went back to Illford the next day and spent (I can still remember the amount) One Hundred and Forty pounds on other mountaineering books. All of a sudden IT Support (and the pain that goes with it) made sense.
"Isn't it risky?" People ask mountaineers about what they do for fun.
"Yes", they answer. "It certainly is". Yes, I say to myself (thinking about IT Support) - It certainly is risky.
"But aren't you scared that you'll die slowly, all alone, in a far off place?" Mountaineers commonly get asked.
"I get scared sometimes - it wouldn't be fun otherwise." The mountaineers reply. Yes, I say to myself (thinking about IT Support) - I got scared sometimes - I just can't remember the fun.
Please read this book (or Into Thin Air); Rob Hall's last radio conversation with his wife (he was high up, and all alone, on Everest, she was pregnant and at home in New Zealand) is the saddest thing I have ever read. And I mean ever, nothing else even comes close. His last broadcast words (to a wife who knew that there could be no hope), "Sleep well, my sweetheart. Please don't worry too much", will move this, hard bitten abbatoir worker to tears - every time!
Block, Thomas - Airship None - Read 06/03/2006
Also bought during my March visit to Southampton. An 'End of the World' story where, after a nuclear war, all who are left alive are a group of Russians on a battleship and a group of Americans aboard an airship. The twenty pence I spent on it was about nineteen pence too much. It makes Extinction (by Ray Hammond) look like the Brothers Karamazov.
Grisham, John - Broker, The - Read 05/03/2006
Also bought on the boat (see SHIT by Ray Hammond - sorry, Extinction by Ray Hammond). I like Grisham. I know that he gets a little bit Jeffrey Archer at times but he's nowhere near as patronising, actually went to university & doesn't (as far as I know), consort with prostitues or tell lies to the courts. And, whilst sometimes, his plots are a little bit mechanical, he doesn't go round dropping enormous hints and he doesn't treat us like idiots repeating the clues to ensure that we understand. Yes Jeffrey, you may have had a pooh at Buckingham Palace or No 10 more times than I've had hot dinners. But that doesn't make you a better man - believe me, it doesn't.
The Broker slightly misses the target, I think, as Grisham's obvious (and admitted) love for Italy obscures the main story a bit. Not as good as Time to Kill, The Firm or The Brethren but it would have been a good way to while away ten hours on a cross channel ferry. Much better than reading Excrement by Ray Hammond.
Hammond, Ray - Extinction - Read 02/03/2006
I bought this on the boat coming over to visit Briony & Jake et al. in early March. I'm not sure if it represents the worst seven pounds that I've ever spent but it must come close. For an objective review - SHIT is too kind a word. Actually, it's so bad, it gives me hope! Take my advice. Only attempt to read this book if you have nothing else and are sitting in the bar of a cross-channel ferry, trying to recover from a hangover and have nothing better to do for the next ten hours or so.
