Hornby, Nick – How to be Good

Yet another one bought during visit to Briony’s in March (the sportsbag she lent me to bring my books home ended up weighing in at 20KG.)

Obviously, I’ve read it before.

It works well on a second reading.

The final line is so brave… I can imagine the writer spending hours, days, if not weeks, pondering over that finish.

“Is that how I do it?” He must have asked himself.

Yes Mate. That’s the only way to do it. That’s the only way it works.

In a way, this is an upsetting novel (I think that the author intended that) as the reader realises that the writer has ‘Oh, my God… Grown Up.’

The reason that this is upsetting is that we have either (A) Grown Up with The Author or (B) Not Grown Up At All.

I’m not sure which is worse.

All the best

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It’s still warm and sunny!

As digital camera has arrived, I am prancing around taking photos of anything and everything.

Cats are getting a bit narked, if you must know.

I’ve just heard Sammy ask Cindy “Who does he think he is – David Bailey?”

All the best

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Baddiel, David – Whatever Loves Means

Baddiel’s first novel, Time for Bed, was very much the Comedian writes first novel, type novel (similar, in many ways, to Ben Elton’s novels).

Whatever Love Means is more grown up.

It starts with the main character committing adultery with his best friend’s wife for the first time on the day that Princess Diana died.

The following story encapsulates that time; the way we thought then; the way we changed our thinking afterwards.

For me, the best thing about the book is that I have discovered that I am not alone – there are other people who dislike the royal family as much as I do.

Now, where did I put that Guillotine?

All the best

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Heller, Zoe – Notes on a Scandal

Another one bought during visit to Briony’s in March.

I can’t understand how I missed this when it first came out.

It’s gorgeous!

And such a nasty ending!

If you’ve ever been a teacher, you need to read it.

If you’re thinking about becoming a teacher, you need to read it.

In fact, if you’ve ever had a teacher, you need to read it.

Magnifique (and I quote from French for Beginners) est trop petit un mot.

All the best

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Archer, Jeffery – Prison Diary

I browsed this on the boat coming home from England at the start of March.

I was saving it for a rainy day.

I was going to read it avidly.

I just knew that I was going to be disappointed.

I just knew that the author wasn’t going to be gang-raped in the showers on a daily basis, every day of his sentence.

And that’s a shame. That would have been justice. He deserves no less.

I would quite happily go to prison as long as I could go to the same one as Jeffrey (he’ll be back inside before long, just you watch) and was guaranteed the opportunity to sexually abuse him, on a daily basis.

Anally, you understand, with a stuffed porcupine. That would be worth going to prison for!

Sorry, I seem to be having an anti-Archer day today.

It must either be a Monday or a Sunday; or any of the other five days in between.

That aside. This is probably the best thing he has ever written (apart, of course from all that fiction he wrote about his University career).

In this book, he manages some compassion without too much I’m Jeffrey, I’m a very clever guy type stuff.

The ‘Fletch interlude’ however is bad. I vomited when I first read it.

He deserves to die in slow motion just for that. Yes you do, Jeffrey. Yes you do.

If Fletch (Whatever his real name is) has actually killed himself (as he threatened/promised) – it’s Jeffrey who’s to blame

That aside, he has probably found his calling – Jeffrey, my mate, I really believe that you should be sent to prison; for life!

All the best

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Harris, Joanne – Blackberry Wine

I first read it in England when it came out.

A story of a man who, I seem to remember, drinks some old wine, drops out and moves to France to write. Hmm…..

I have now re-read it and all I can say is ‘Blackberry Wine tastes delicious!’

My favourite Joanne Harris is Five Quarters of the Orange followed closely by the luscious Chocolat.

I remember sitting on the Docklands Light Railway one rainy Thursday evening after a horrible day at work (everyone else in the carriage seemed to be reading their copies of Chocolat as well, it was that kind of book – a bit like Harry Potter) and missing my stop.

I got off at Beckton and went to the restaurant – too busy reading to cook.

For the first time, the chef got my steak right – this is steak, this is grill, this is plate – i.e. hardly cooked at all.

The chef came out to ask if I had liked the steak.

I bought him a drink!

That is not a normal thing for me to do – it must have been due to the book.

I wasn’t so keen on Coastliners but will probably read it again.

I haven’t read her cookery book yet but I am saving up my pennies.

All the best

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Archer, Jeffery – Sons of Fortune

I’ve not been feeling very well recently – a sort of uneasy feeling, a headache and random vomiting.

I went to see the doctor; he did some tests.

The doctor hummed & hahhed, he scratched his head, he put on another pair of gloves and a face mask and stood back a bit further away.

Finally, he asked the question that we all dread – “You’re not reading Jeffery Archer, by any chance, are you?”

Shamefully, I nodded.

The doctor just shook his head and prescribed a couple of litres of Cod’s Liver Oil.

“You’ll need to excrete it out”, he said.

This isn’t the worst Archer – ‘As The Crow Flies’ probably gets that prize.

But, having said that, it is pretty shit.

I should have known better – I should have noticed that each chapter begins with the name of a book of the old testament -

‘Discover religion inside, did we – Jeffrey?’

The story (if you can call it that), is that two brothers – identical twins, if you will – get separated at birth and get brought up by different families.

Both boys become politicians (one Republican, the other Democrat).

There is an election (just one of many elections, it has to be said, but no boring Kebab stories).

Oh, yes, this story will keep you on the edge of your seat right to the end – the Toilet seat in my case!

Oh, by the way, the ending is to die for!

No, I mean it.

You will want to die, believe me!

In my humble, unbiased and totally uneducated opinion - THE BASTARD DESERVES ANOTHER TWENTY YEARS INSIDE FOR THIS ONE!

All the best

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It’s warm and sunny!

It’s warm & sunny today because all week the weather forcasters have been promising rain (winter storms, in fact, for Finistere – because of the highest tides of the year).

I have been into the forest – saw no deer and only two mushrooms – still, a nice walk.

All week have been putting my CDs onto the computer – quite an interesting exercise – I kept asking myself…. “Surely some mistake, how did I come to own a Spice Girls CD?”

If the Spice Girls weren’t bad enough, I found a Boney M Greatest Hits CD (I thought they only had two hits and they certainly weren’t that great) – now where did that come from?

And worse, a Gary Glitter CD – that went straight in the bin. I washed my hands thoroughly, afterwards!

All the best

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